Ramadan: Your questions answered
What does practicing Ramadan feel like and how can you support your Muslim colleagues and friends during this month? Here is what four friends of GMD shared with us about this special holy month of celebrations, which this year will end on Sunday 1 May.
Mustapha is a Muslim Moroccan-born Italian citizen. He’s a nurse at a private clinic and he’s been living in Trieste with his family for over 35 years now.
Mariam, born and mostly bred in London, is a second generation Muslim Indian who recently graduated from the University of Cambridge. She now works as a Trainee Debt Adviser in the British capital.
Tiziana is an Italian Business English Coach from Rovigo. Her husband, with whom she has a beautiful daughter, is a Muslim from Morocco. She doesn’t believe in any particular faith.
Klevisa is a social operator working for two NGOs, LVIA Ong and Alice. Originally from Albania, she moved to Italy to study International Science, Development and Cooperation at the University of Turin. She’s also a Muslim.
What do you appreciate the most about Ramadan?
Mustapha: The fact that you are aware of your willpower. You learn you can accomplish what you set for yourself. Also, you can feel how other people feel who don’t have food and are starving. We are all the same during Ramadan. Those who have food and those who don’t. And I like the atmosphere in the countries that celebrate Ramadan. It’s a holy month for Muslims; a month of generosity. People help each other and the pace of life changes. In the morning, everything is closed, then in the afternoon, it’s all a big celebration until late.
Mariam: I appreciate the discipline it gives you, the chance to engage in. Some people might decide to go to a monastery or be a monk. Part of the beauty and what I can appreciate is that I don’t need to go to a monastery. I can access that lifestyle from home. It’s something very accessible in that way.
Tiziana: I’m doing Ramadan for the first time this year. The thing I appreciate the most is the opportunity it gives you to focus on your inner self.
Klevisa: What I appreciate the most is the sense of community generated during the iftar, the evening meal. It’s a special and heartfelt moment of sharing with family and friends, and with the rest of the religious community. There are community iftars being organised in the mosques and in people’s houses.
What does a day during Ramadan typically look like?
Mustapha: It depends on the work you do. A typical day starts in the morning when you wake up. Many people dedicate this time to prayer and to the reading of the Qur’an. It’s like a meditation. I don’t really do it, but my wife does. Here in Trieste, we have a timetable with the times for prayers and fasting. But if you’re ill, take medicines, are old, very young, travelling or on your period, you don’t have to fast. In the evening, when the sun sets, people break the fasting, they pray together, and then they spend time with their families. After dinner, there are special gatherings in the mosques to pray together. Some people stay there almost until dawn.
Mariam: You wake up early. Some people have a meal late at night just in case they don’t wake up in time. The idea is that you wake up early and have a meal before the set time. There’s a calendar because the time changes every day. In the evening, I used to help prepare the food, set up the table, put the radio on… until the call to prayer. That’s when you can break your fast. Then you pray again. You might just rest a bit. But then it’s literally time to pray again. So, it’s quite a long day.
Tiziana: To be honest, like any other day. With the only difference that in the morning, when I wake up, I won’t prepare my coffee and I won’t be drinking anything. But I’m keeping an ordinary routine. It helps to make the day go as smooth as possible.
Klevisa: On a rush, like any other day, but with an added spiritual element to it. On a normal day, when you’re in a hurry and something irritates you, you might react. But because it’s Ramadan and you’re more spiritual, you let your day go on in a much more positive way. You might be physically more tired without eating and drinking, but you’re feeling spiritually and emotionally energised. You’re more positive.
How do you break the fasting at the end of the day?
Mustapha: We start by drinking hot drinks and eating dates. They have many sugars that are good for you. We may have a latte. And there is a soup called harira. It’s a rich soup with chickpeas and tomatoes. Some people break the fast and have dinner all in one meal. Others first simply break the fast, and then a few hours later they have dinner.
Mariam: Traditionally, we’d just break it with water and dates. That’s how they used to do it back in the day in the Mid-Arab world. In different families and different cultures, they might do differently. I’m from India. Normally my family would have some sort of Indian food. So a lot of fried unhealthy stuff. [Laughs] Then you might have a bigger meal, but when you’re fasting you find that just a little makes you so full. When I was in Saudi Arabia, I used to have soup. My dad used to take me to the mosque during Ramadan. I was quite little, so I could sit with the men while they were having the food. And they always used to start with this soup.
Tiziana: Usually with a cup of coffee. Sometimes harira. It’s usually drunk hot with spices. Traditionally, people would have dates with milk. But this is not what we’ve been doing.
How do you and your family stay productive at work?
Mustapha: Fasting doesn’t stop you from working. Staying up until late in the evening actually tires you more than fasting. Of course, those who do more physically demanding jobs have a harder time. But in the same way as you are able to fast, you are also able to work. It all starts with your mind and your willpower.
Mariam: You’d believe you aren’t able to do things, that you’d be so tired or easily distracted by thoughts of food. You’re actually more focused on tasks and able to get on with your day. It’s before breaking the fast – one or two hours before – when it feels the most difficult. It also depends. If you have a 9-5 job, your work is more sedentary. And if people in the office are drinking and eating around you… I feel like it might be a bit harder.
Tiziana: Well, at the moment I’m quite flexible with work. So, as long as I don’t have to speak too much it’s fine. It actually helps to focus when I’m writing.
Is it appropriate to give gifts to Muslims during Ramadan?
Mariam: Yeah, I can’t see anything wrong with that. I think that would be quite a welcome thing. If someone wants to invite you for dinner and they check at what time your fast breaks, that’d be very welcome.
Tiziana: Maybe an invitation to dinner or something that involves food-sharing. But not specifically gifts. However, during Ramadan, zakat comes into play. It’s essentially charity and it’s one of the basics of Islam. if you practice zakat, you probably also cook for the poorer and bring food to the mosque at the end of the day. In that sense, you can donate food.
Klevisa: During Ramadan, the real gift is taking part together in an iftar. Actual gifts are more appropriate at the end of Ramadan, when we have the big celebrations for Eid. That’s when we exchange gifts. You might exchange gifts with friends and family members, but kids are really the ones who receive presents. New clothes, money… To them, it’s really the best day in the world. [Laughs]
What is Laylat al-Qadr? Do you celebrate it in a special way?
Mustapha: Literally, it means the Night of Destiny. It was on this night that the Qur’an was revealed to Muhammed. We don’t know exactly on which night of the month it happened, but it was during one of the last ten days of the month. Some say it was on the 27th day. There are dinners organised and mosques are open all night long. There are long prayers and services that are recited.
Mariam: The way we celebrate it is – from my experience with my family – by just reminding ourselves to increase the prayers. Some people give more charity. Some people spend their days and nights in the mosque. People go through different degrees, but generally it’s treated with more reverence and general mindfulness. It’s seen as a chance to increase your connection with God.
Klevisa: We usually spend some nights at the mosque. We pray and spend time together. We actually sleep there. I’ve done it many times during the last ten days of Ramadan. Not every day, but if I know I’m not working the day after, then I’d spend the night at the mosque.
What is Eid al-Fitr and how do you celebrate it?
Mustapha: This is the very end of Ramadan. Eid means “the party” and Fitr is “the breaking of the fasting.” On Eid’s morning, there’s a big party. Here in Trieste, they organise a party at a local sports centre and everyone brings some food. First, we do the Eid prayer and then we eat. People wish each other Happy Eid, they drink, eat, and just spend some time together. In Marocco, we’d get two days off work to pray and spend time with our loved ones and our neighbours. We’d wear traditional clothes. Children get new clothes and candies, they receive money and other gifts. It’s about coming together and seeing family you don’t get to see during the rest of the year.
Mariam: Normally, the men in my family would go to pray at the mosque in the morning. We would dress up in nice clothes, meet relatives and cook a special meal. In my family, the food was related to the Indian culture and my mum would make a big version of Biryani. My grandparents used to give me money on Eid as well, which is always nice.
Klevisa: The day before Eid, we start getting ready for it. We cook desserts, we draw on the hands using henna ink. On the day of Eid, you see all the girls with their hands drawn with henna. It’s so beautiful. It’s a time of great celebration. Usually, we get together to pray it in the mosque. We’d pray for 15 minutes and, after that, we have breakfast among friends and loved ones. We then visit our neighbours and friends. It’s a day dedicated to sharing and spending time within the community. We have the Eid lunch or in Turin, where I live, girls would be gathering around big tables at restaurants for dinner. We’d have sushi or organise bbqs. But if I celebrate Eid back home in Albania, then I’ll eat traditional food.
How can non-Muslims show solidarity to their Muslim friends/colleagues during Ramadan?
Mustapha: The important thing is to try to understand. Many don’t understand the meaning of Ramadan. They think it’s just about the eating, but that’s not true. The spiritual element is what matters. People re-connect to their spirituality and go beyond the material things that surround us. Fasting is just one way to do it. Different people may do it in different ways, by saying a prayer or by meditating. We help each other and we try to be good.
Mariam: Generally, don’t be afraid to ask questions. The other day my manager told me, “I’m really sorry, I was eating in front of you!” It’s fine, we’re not going to be offended. But it’s nice that he was trying to show that he’s caring and that he’s aware that you might be fasting. Before Ramadan, he asked me if I celebrated it. And we had an email from the CEO acknowledging Ramadan and saying, “If you have special needs, arrangements or difficulties, please speak to your manager.”
Since last year there’s been a small room which we’re able to use for prayer if we want. There’s a guy at my work who wanted to go to the mosque to pray. Obviously, the work timings wouldn’t always allow for that. But because of that space he was able to pray. It was set up because my colleague requested it. It’s good that they accommodated it.
Tiziana: I think solidarity can be accepting an invitation. Muslims are open to people who don’t fast to come and join them when they are having iftar. That’s very much appreciated. For people who are not really aware of what Ramadan means, try to be more sensitive. Show respect at least for what they are going through. Maybe try not eating or drinking in front of them. Be aware of the existence of Ramadan.
Klevisa: Something that is always nice is when people ask us questions, when they’re being curious. It shows openness and a desire to learn. That’s a perfect way to show solidarity. Another way is to take part in the moments of communal celebration. For example, soon we’ll have an iftar event that we organise at the Torino Lingotto building in Turin. I’m inviting all my non-Muslim friends. I’d really love to see them all there.
How can organisations better support their Muslim colleagues during this time?
Mustapha: They could be a little more flexible at work and at school. For example, if someone needs to break the fasting, they could grant them some time for that and arrange work hours differently. It’s the same at school. If a teenager can’t do PE at the scheduled time, they could try to have them do it at a different time. For some people it’s important to participate to the Eid celebrations. In that case, they might need the day off work or school.
Mariam: Sometimes, it’s just some really practical things. Friday is more of a special day for Muslims and during Ramadan some people want go to the mosque at lunchtime. It’s nice if there can be a bit of flexibility and understanding that you might be ten minutes late. It can be nice to have some accommodations like that. The space for the prayer I think is very important. We might not pray five times a day, but it’s good to have a space to reflect or just have a quiet time. With my workplace, I think it’d be nice if they could extend the lunchtime talks to talk about Ramadan and Muslims.
Tiziana: I think that in terms of work it comes down to employers being aware of the requirements of the situation that some of their Muslim employees maybe are going through. So putting into practice some policies that allow them to either work less or have flexible working hours. As for schools, I think that schools in non-Muslim countries could speak more about all the religious or non-religious facilities in other countries. We’re living in a multicultural and global environment. And I think not enough is being done to educate kids to a diverse world.
Klevisa: Something they do at my workplace is to allow you to skip lunchbreak and leave from work one hour earlier. That already helps a lot. Something that schools and institutions could do here in Turin is to allow children who are old enough to fast to do it. If a 12-year old has been given permission to fast by their parents, understand why they are doing it and don’t make a fuss if they’re not eating at lunch. There should be more understanding. It’s a matter of sensitivity. For example, my organisation decided not to hold any activities during Eid week, to allow children to celebrate. It’s the first year that we’re introducing this and it’s really good.
Are there any local initiatives that Muslim and non-Muslim people can participate in during Ramadan?
Mustapha: Not really. Normally, we would go to the Islamic centre for the prayers at sunset and in the evening, but with Covid-19 we don’t anymore.
Mariam: Where I live right now, the mosque does a daily iftar every day where anyone from the community can go and break their fast and join the prayer. That’s quite a community event, with lots of people there. In London generally there are events in different mosques, universities, clubs, and community organisations. My family used to go to a place called Regent’s Park Mosque. They have these daily iftars. We would set up little pick-nicks before the night prayers and break the fast in a big courtyard. The mosque is generally okay with anyone visiting that is non-Muslim. People from different faiths are always welcome as far as I know.
Tiziana: I’m not aware of any other type of initiatives that are being supported by anyone else in my local community. The only place for gathering is the mosque, open to everybody. It’s Muslim people opening their doors to everybody. The mosque is completely accessible to women and men and they are happy if you join for iftar. It’s the Muslims who are being more inclusive.
Klevisa: The city used to organise Iftar Street events. I’m talking about more than 4,000 people sharing the iftar meal. It’s great. I was a volunteer for many years and it was incredible. You’d have very long tables full of food cooked by the women or by the Imam at the mosque. Or each person would bring something to eat and drink. Of course, no pork meat or alcohol. There are also open mosques events. All citizens of Turin can walk inside the mosque and visit it. The imam and many other people are there to answer any questions.
